The Tank is Empty

Is it time to clock off motherhood yet? 

The tank has been running on 'E' for quite some time, and I feel as though I've finally burnt out my engine. It's just all too bloody much. 

As much as I love my children, lately, I despise the endless tediousness of everyday life. The selfish streak in me hates being awoken against my will every single night, feeding others whilst my tummy grumbles, cleaning up after one whilst the other drools watermelon juice all over the floor. Etc etc..

Since Oscar has arrived, the workload has quite literally doubled, and the hours are long and relentless. My body is no longer my own, it is constantly being tugged at, drank from and jumped on. And my mind is so fucking bored. So bored. Day dreaming of a 9-5 job has become my ultimate escape. Imagine having adult conversation? Imagine reading, and writing, and achieving things every single day? Imagine only having to wipe my own bum all day?! Imagine actually finishing work and doing as you please? It sounds magical.

I get that this was the path we chose to go down for this period in our lives, and thousands of women are going through the exact same thing as I am, and probably not whining half as much (out loud). But I am just over it. Well and truly over it. 

Motherhood sure is a testing time, and even after so long I still can't figure out whether I'm passing with flying colours or failing miserably. Society would say Blake definitely watches far too much TV, and Oscar eats a lot of packaged food. I gave up trying to potty train Blake after a few days of tantrums, and I don't bath them everyday. I yell, and I scream occasionally. And I often feel like walking right out the door. Yet, I would say, my children are good kids. They're happy kids. They're fed, warm, and loved. 

(Society has some ridiculous standards doesn't it? I often delve deep into my wild imagination and dream of a world void of any society. Where every individual is free to explore their own ideas and values without any outside pressure. I can't even imagine what kind of mother I would be if I didn't already know what kind of mother I 'should' be? If you get my drift...)

Anyway, after such a long time of looking after other people, I guess all I want at the moment is to be looked after myself. That's it. Do you reckon Santa delivers TLC? I sure hope so. 

Here's hoping we have a better week this week eh? 

Gemma

Thought of the day "thank goodness for the gym Creche"

6 Month Countdown

In exactly 6 months time, this will be Oli and I. Minus the perms. (Or will we have perms? You'll have to wait & see!)

Despite being highly, highly unorganised, and squandering away my free time by blogging, daydreaming, reading, or staring into space, I still wish it were 6 weeks rather than 6 months. It's impossible to put into words how esctatic I am to become Olis wife. To become a Tabak, and finally share the same name as my children. 

As I sit here daydreaming, pushing aside all of the things I am yet to tick off the list, all I can see, clear as day, is Olis face as I walk towards him up that aisle. His goofy grin, and my overwhelming emotions, joining forces for life. Will we laugh? Will we cry? Will I break into a run? The anticipation is killing me!

Admittedly, for the past 7 months, majority of my wedding thoughts have been totally focused on how the bridal party will look, how the venue will look, and mostly how I will look. Given, it is a big part of the day, alas, the biggest part is marrying the man of my dreams, which was somehow overlooked. This hit me with force on Saturday when Oli stepped out of the changing room in his wedding outfit. I nearly fell over. 'I get to marry this gorgeous man? The one with the sparkling blue eyes, cute butt, and strong hands? The one with the hilarious sense of humour and the kindest soul?' No. Freaking. Way. 

Let's do this already!! (Ok maybe I do need a bit more time, but 6 months is going to feel like a lifetime)

I feel like we are on track anyway, the only major thing we need to organise now is our rings, the rest is just bits & pieces. Zee pièce de résistance (dress), is still underway, I haven't had a fitting in yonks, but one is scheduled in for next weekend. This fitting is a biggy as it is the first one with my actual dress, all the rest have been prototypes, so I am über excited to see how she looks! It's bittersweet doing this dress business alone, on the one hand I have only my opinion to trust, yet on the other hand, I have no one else's opinion on it. See the dilemma? I desperately wanted to bring Oli in to help me choose but apparently that's a big no no. At the end of the day, opinions can do more harm than good, and if no one else loves it, at least I will right? Right. 

One thing I am struggling with is a speech. Do you go for the comedic audience pleaser approach? Or the sentimental tear jerker? Do I really want to hear crickets at my dry jokes, or have Oli blubbering like a baby at my side? Tough one. 

The amount of decisions you make for one day is mind blowing! Well, the amount I make is anyway. Out of the 300,000 total, Oli makes around 3, and the remaining 299,997 are all on me. Which is fun..

Approximately 100,000 will be made in February when I shoot over to Bali for a week, which is a huge relief, international organising is a real pain in the ass.

And that's where we are at with it all! And here I am, procrastinating for another day. The circle of life continues....

In other news, 

Summer is here!! In all of it's glittering glory! Time to bust out the cocktail shaker & BBQ tongs & cork hats! 

Thank F I actually get to have a few drinks this year, instead of waddling around a hot, sweaty, hormonal mess. Sayonara pregnancy, see you never!

Both infants are snoozing, I'm going to try to tackle this speech business/ browse Pinterest for recipes 

Happy Monday folks, 

Gem

Thought of the day "

All I want for Christmas is new boobs.

I Smell Change

Change is a funny old thing isn't it? The anticipation & excitement, starkly contrasted by fear of the unknown, creates quite the concoction of nerves. Fortunately, and unfortunately, change is the only constant in life. I say fortunately because change means taking risks, exploring the unknown, and reaping loads of benefits. And simultaneously, I say unfortunately, because change doesn't come without sacrifice, hard work, and patience. 

Which is why Oli has taken a mining job. 

We always knew this time would come. The abundance of extra family time, and constant companionship, has been a luxury since we have been here in Perth. But ultimately, this is why we are here. To "strike while the iron is hot", so to speak. 

Luckily, Olis new roster will only be two weeks on, one week off. Which is a hell of a lot more appealing than four weeks on, one week off. Regardless, I am still shitting my pants. The workload will be overflowing for both of us. Oli will be doing twelve hour days & nights underground, for two weeks straight. And I will effectively be a single mother for two thirds of the year. Yikes. 

How this will go, we really don't know. But we figure you can only try. I'm going to look at the glass as half full, and say, shit yeah a one week holiday with Oli every couple of weeks- amazing! And more savings, can't complain about that can we? I also firmly believe in the old saying "absence makes the heart grow fonder", and I think missing each other will allow us to appreciate one another more, and create a stronger bond between us. And knowing that we have the wedding to look forward to, is another huge positive. Good things on the horizon. 

One-womaning this madhouse on the other hand, will be..... Interesting. Anyone  keen on moving in? I'll pay you with gratitude, love, and wine. We'll need lots of wine.

In other news this week, Oli and I managed to escape for a sneaky date night to dinner & a movie (cheers to Uncle Jazza for manning the fort);

(Debuting this marvellous LBD, $30 from my local surf shop, such a bargain!)

It's safe to say we were definitely the best dressed at the cinema. I'll take any opportunity to look nice these days, poor Oli probably forgets there's an actual woman underneath the baggy tee's and sweaty gym gear. 

And you know how I said I need to start eating a bit better, well, I've been on a roll this week:

Up top we have a Thai beef salad ft; sirloin, carrot, cucumber, red cabbage, spinach, pickled ginger, garlic, lime, crispy noodles, crushed peanuts, sweet chilli, soy sauce, and rice noodles. 

The middle child is a poached chicken salad ft; poached chook, spinach, carrot, cucumber, red cabbage, chilli, hummus, and honey mustard dressing. 

And lastly we have falafel wraps. This one was posted by a friend on Facebook last week and I thought they looked delicious, so I gave them a go, and wow. Just wow. Absolutely delish! I've never made falafel before so I just bought a mix from the super, and they were divine. We are frequently making Turkish kebabs around here but always with chicken, so this was a refreshing change. 

I'm rather enjoying the freshness of a crisp salad this week, it must be the warm days and nights egging me on. 

On top of these goodies, I've thrown myself back into the gym at full speed. Reeeaaally digging running at the mo, so have often been doing 10km's flat on the treadmill. I'm finding it incredibly therapeutic and rewarding making it to the double digits. And also doing loads of circuits using just my body weight. Squats, push ups, planks etc... My bod feels painfully pleasant! 

So things are on track here, and here's hoping the motivation will extend further than this week!

That's about all I have to report, and it's Friday again, so enjoy your weekend wherever you are!

Gem

Thought of the day "

3 months until Abbey and I will be parked up right here!"

Week in Pics

Aloha!

The sizzling sun has zapped all of my energy, and left my lids feeling rather droopy on this Sunday eve. Rather than colourful sentences chocka block with adjectives and exclamation marks, all I can muster is a few pics from the week that was... 

Of all the Kim K mems, this one was the clear favourite for me. (What is it with this woman and her desperate attempts to stay in the spotlight by the way? Although she does rock a bangin' bod, I'll give her that)

I got a wee bit creative (bored) around here on Friday, so I painted B's drawers and was quite chuffed with how they turned out. Note; the brilliant artwork was a recent gift from a very talented gf, so funky!

Blake & Noah are cuter than cute. Like, next level cute. Shit your pants cute.

So is this guy.

Uncle Jazza stealing some snuggles on Saturday..

We finally made it to the new fancy pants library that was built just up the road last week, and it was delightful. We all hung out in the kiddies corner & read Margaret Mahy, and ssssshhhhh'd, and sniffed all the new things. 

LC can do no wrong. This woman is the epitome of style. That 'do!

His & Hers brunch this morn. (Baked beans uggghhhh yuck)

30 delicious degrees can mean only one thing, zee beach. (Ok two things, behind-the-knee-sweat.)

So fresh and so clean clean, and so friggen cute. 

And finally, probably the best picture I've ever taken. This one needs no description.

Hope you've all had a wonderful weekend folks,

Gem

Thought of the day "Anyone looking to buy a toddler?"

8 Months Postpartum

Firstly, how the heck is Oscar 8 months already? I just don't understand what is happening here. 2014 was a real speedy bastard wasn't it? I say was as it is very nearly at the finish line. Once that clock strikes midnight and it officially becomes 2015, I'm most likely going to have an anxiety attack. 

Just casually getting married in a few months? 'You worried about that at all?' Who me? Course not. What's a wedding eh? (Insert nervous laughter)

Should probably stop eating KFC around about now. And learn how to make delicious salads, not just grass with tomato and cucumber. Should also stop eating 5 kilos of potatoes a week in this household, and should probably stop all that chocolate & beer too. Shoulda coulda woulda. That's my motto. 

On the 23rd, it'll be exactly 6 months until the wedding. I feel as though some magical motivation cape is going to strap itself around my neck that day, and I'm going to morph into a clean green eating machine. When I say I feel, I mean I hope...

In all seriousness, things aren't looking too shabby. Breastfeeding is still doing it's thang, and I'm still keeping up with my exercise 3-4 times a week. The eating kind of went off track (or was it ever on track?) when we went to NZ, but being back home with our usual routine and usual foods will help things chug along. I'm not actually wanting to lose weight anymore, I'm back down to my pre-O weight and I feel as though toning is my number one goal now (along with every other female in this entire universe).

The thing with food is, I just bloody love it so much. Carbs, are just the bees knees, rice, bread, and potatoes are a huge part of my everyday diet and I can't quite figure out how or what to replace them with?? 

So if anyone has any stellar salad recipes they wanna shoot my way, please do! Google and Pinterest aren't putting out as of late so I need all the help I can get. 

How is it possible that a salad can compete with this though;

Dinner last night was an oldy, but a real goody. Funnily, this would be considered a 'cheat meal' to most health conscious folks, yet it's everyday around here. Hence my dilemma... Mmmm gravy. 

*Off the topic- I was just interrupted by a bang at the door, only to be greeted by my handsome hubby to be, flowers in tow!!

Isn't that just the sweetest thing? It's also the rarest thing, as that was a first in our 6 years. I'm in a state of shock! 

Back to the topic of the day, I won't be getting my bits out for a bod update this time as it's much the same as my 6 month snap. I'll be posting once there is some progress (and I'm not so pasty).

Anywho lovely readers, as it's Friday, I hope you all have a joyous weekend ahead, 

Happy Days,

Gem 

Thought of the day "getting my first period in 18 months this week was a shock to the system" 

25 Things I've Learnt by 25

Yesterday, I read an entertaining article on one persons "25 life lessons learnt by age 25". This provoked me to scribble down a few things that I've also learnt/ lived by/ regretted by the ripe old age of 25..

Here goes;

1) Trust your instincts

There are so many different, strange situations that us, as human beings, are thrust into. Most are epic, some are unpleasant, and we all react differently & accordingly. But one thing I've come to realise is in any situation, trusting your gut is nearly always bang on the money. Your intuition knows, don't doubt it so often. 

2) Animals make better friends than humans 

It's true, they do. There's no bullshit, no back stabbing, no expectations, just love and affection. 

3) Pain is only temporary 

I've given birth, I've had many (shit) tattoos, I've bailed off my roller skates more times than I can count, and although pain can feel like it is the end of the world at the time, it's not, and then you continue living your life, and no one cares about your sore vagina/knee/scab. 

4) Speaking of tattoos...

When your parents say "you'll regret it", they're probably right. 

5) I (and most likely you aswel) will never look like Miranda Kerr

This was a hard pill to swallow. 

6) Exercising is the key to happiness

I totally live by this motto. Exercise, music, food and love. Nothing beats it! 

7) Your parents are probably right 

Referring back to no.4- as annoying as it is (in your teens especially) they make a lot of sense. 

(I'm totally only writing this in the hope that Blake and O read this one day and realise that Ma and Dad are 100% right)

8) Music is an integral part of living 

Listening to relatable lyrics, relaxing to some smooth beats, dancing like a spaz to a funky tune, bawling your eyes out to a song during a break up- whatever it is, music is always there for you. 

9) Clothes literally disappear into thin air

Seriously, where do they go? That expensive dress three years back? Vanished. There is a vortex for women's clothing and it is overflowing. 

10) Love your family 

They're the only ones you have after all.

11) People are shit

You'll be disappointed, offended, and hurt hundreds of times by people. Hold on tight to the good ones. 

12) You're not always right 

This one took me 25 years to learn, I'm not even sure if we are totally there yet, but I figure Oli has to be right at least some of the time right?

13) Good food doesn't come in a brown paper bag

For the first 20 years, good food to me was a burger & chips. God I'm glad my taste buds veered me down a different path 5 years ago. Coriander, chilli, rocket, basil, garlic, cucumber, fresh eggs, watermelon, eye fillet steak, chicken breast, spiced rice, prawns, mushrooms, avocado, ohhhh avocado, you guys are everything to me. Everything. 

14) Time is more precious than money 

Someone older and much wiser told me this a little while back, and whilst money is the basis of our lives at this stage, I do understand that ultimately, time is far more precious. After all, you can be the richest son of a bitch in town, and not have a single moment to enjoy it. 

15) Hindsight is bittersweet 

It's so easy to look back and say, I should have done this or that, but at the end of the day- it's never that simple. Life is one complex mofo after all. 

16) Live in the moment 

I'm big on seizing the day, blurting out what I think, buying the dress, and generally being unpredictable and flaky. And I love it. 

17) Be true to yourself 

A corny statement, but one that is important I feel. The teenage years are all about following the crowd and often doing things that you don't want to do. Fuck the crowd, you won't remember them in 5 years anyway. 

18) Dress for your body shape

After years of squeezing into unflattering outfits to match the "trend" (baaaaaaaaa), by age 22, cosmopolitan finally informed me of what I should be wearing for my hourglass shape. And they were right. Always, always, wear what suits your shape. 

19) Eat the fucking cake

And enjoy it. 

20) Believe in yourself 

Because if you don't, then neither will anyone else. Confidence is key my friends.

21) Reading books is crucial 

Oli and I had this convo last night, about how easy it is once you're out of school to lose your literacy and grammar skills. Not a problemo if you read. Not to mention you're training your brain and feeding your imagination. So bloody crucial. 

22) Having kids is crazy 

So crazy.

23) Dont sweat the small stuff 

Too often we fret about the stupidest things, and most of it won't matter in a week. Forget it, and focus on the big picture. (This one is a work in progress but I'm getting there) 

24) Don't take life too seriously

Never have, never will.

25) Love is the sole reason for living

Not making money, being pretty, becoming famous, or running 100 marathons. Loving, and being loved, is why we are here. 

That's a wrap folks 

Gem- 25 years young and probably still incredibly naive according to most 50 year olds. But I don't take 50 year olds seriously. 

Storms-a-brewin'

After two absolute scorcher days over the weekend that looked like this;

We woke up to an eerie thunder/ lightening storm this morning.. Quite the contrast. 

Isn't it funny how the weather can often completely rule your mood? As soon as we saw sunshine on Saturday I felt elated, energetic, and itching to get into the ocean. And now today, all I want to do is drink tea and watch animated movies with the darls. Mother Nature is a powerful old broad. 

Despite wanting to imprint my ass to the couch, I won't. After two weeks of limited exercise, and unlimited food- the kids and I will be headed straight to the gym this morning to get back into routine. I'm actually thrilled at the thought. So much so that I can't decide what I want to do today, as I want to do it all! Cardio, swim, weights, hiit, yoga?!! Yikes! The options are endless. 

**fast forward to Tues morning**

Wow I really don't know what happened there. I must have veered off track and completely forgotten I was midway through a post. That's Mum life in a nutshell for you. 

The gym was spectacular, the rest of the day was average. However, the storm simmered down and we have blue skies and vit D galore today! 

On the agenda today is a lollipops date with Noah & Mikayla, a hunt for some flash cards, something delectable and different for dinner that I am still unsure of what will be at this point in time, aaaand setting up camp for our wee Meg who is very nearly ripe for our picking! Yahoo!

Oh, and this baby bloke is 8 months old;

8 months, 4 teeth, 8 arm rolls, 2 chins, 2 knee rolls, and 1 hilarious personality. He is really starting to charm the pants off us lately, bopping away to music, and laughing right on cue. (It's good that someone thinks my jokes are funny around here). This morn I had a moment where I thought to myself, shit we are beyond fortunate to have these two bonny babes in our lives. Despite all the lows, the highs are infinitely more memorable. Before we know it, this one will be a whole year old, and I'll have two walking, talking terrors on my hand, so I'm going to try to savour the next few months that I have with my baby before life gets even more hectic (is that possible? I shudder at the thought...) baby leashes are still not off the cards folks, ya gotta do what ya gotta do.

Better scoot, I hear a squawking coming from the realms of baby kingdom (the other end of the house)

Sayanora! 

Gem 

Thought of the day "yee old dinner dilemma, we meet again. What the fuck should I cook tonight?"

Back in the Game

Aloha long lost loves! How are we all?

Yesterday afternoon, after a surprisingly pleasant 7 hour flight with the kids (thank faaaaaaaark), we finally made it back into the arms of our number 1 human and general outstanding being; Oli. 

"Daddeeee Daddeeee", squealed Blake as she burst through the double doors and into his arms. It was so corny, I would have definitely laughed had I been an airport bystander. 

After spending a few moments smiling like idiots and kissing like teenagers, we loaded up the car and headed home. The house was in tip top shape, every surface was gleaming and every weed had been decapitated. Oli had been a busy man. And I was a very happy lady. Hello Bed!! Hello Couch!! Hello Shower!! Hello Wardrobe!! Hello Healthy Food! Hello Routine! Boy had I missed you all. 

The two weeks we spent away were so bittersweet, on the one hand- seeing everyone and eating everything in sight was tremendous, and on the other- being away from Oli and the comforts of our home was much much harder than I imagined it would be. So when we arrived home, after visiting home, it created a strange situation upstairs in my head. 

Where is home?

Being in the Mount didn't feel like home. It felt familiar, and homely, but it didn't feel like home. Yet at the same time, I would never call Perth "home". I guess I came to the realisation, that home could be anywhere, as long as we are all together. One unit. It was so f*^ked up being away from Oli, it totally threw me out. Those feelings were really unexpected too, I genuinely had thought "meh, it's two weeks, no biggy". Well, it was a biggy. My partner in crime wasnt there to enjoy everything with me, and it was just all kinds of wrong. On top of that, Oscar sprouted two new teeth, Blake went on a hunger strike, and I developed a serious case of insomnia which was SUPER! ** branching off that just briefly, do any mums have any tips on babies who bite whilst feeding? I swear oscars piraña teeth are going to rip my teet straight off soon. He drew blood three times today. Three times. I cried. A lot. 

On the upside, I spent every day away with brilliant people. Mum, Dad and my sister Kate, Olis parents & brother and his wife + our darling niece, our grandparents, and way more friends than I realised I even had. We ate, we drank, we talked our asses off, we climbed that magnificent mountain, and the piraña and tyrant toddler soaked up attention like a sponge in the sea. Zee mission was complete. 

Naturally, I took one hundred million photos, here are a select few;

Opa Jimpy with his brood

Swapping offspring with Laura 

Dad & fangs

This cannibal kills me

Uncle Kiels a natural 

Ma & Ossy

Queen B at BK

Happiest human in all the land atop this beast

Juggling far too many humans at once

Turns out Oscar is a dead ringer for his Nana Kathy, so weird!

Aunty Dee & B

I lived on long blacks 

Blake caught up with her seriously sweet BFF Bam

Park hangs with Henri and O

Mamma bear 

Crew

I met James from Geordie Shore! (Kiels so trendy)

Giggles galore with these two pretty gals

I laughed until I cried...

And then I laughed some more!

Kate and I nailed our Halloween make up, and then we got nailed. Tequila shots are never a grand idea.

Luckily my hangover was spent on my grandmothers incredibly luscious green grass

Four gens

Seeing Micaela & Ricky was an absolute highlight 

This Turkish kebab was bigger than my arm and I devoured it in minutes- why do Australians not know how to make decent kebabs?

Picture perf view from the in-laws deck 

Josie and I dined on sugar coated turds 

Catching up with Annah & Mel + their littlies was a wonderful day. Why oh why can't all these mothers live closer to us! We would make such a radical mums group. Hip flasks in tow...

Moby & Archer working the camera 

Blakes bud Poppy getting some cuddles 

Aaaand now we are home and Mums newest quilt has made itself right at home in B's room, so friggen funky.

Thankfully it's already the weekend, so we will be spending it snoozing, swimming, smooching, snuggling, sunning & saving. We tend to forget our wedding is fast approaching, and we could probably do with some monies to pay for it...

I'll be back soon folks. In the meantime, I hope you are all feeling sprightly!

Toodles,

Gem 

Thought of the day "Blake offering me a bite of her food, and then proceeding to tell me I'm a "good girl" when I took a bite, was definitely the funniest thing I've heard in a while. Kids say the darndest things don't they?!"