Despite social media insisting it is nothing but a light stroll through a particularly pretty park on a warm summers day (mine included), it is actually really fucking hard.
What I seem to be struggling with mostly, as a sprightly 26 year old, is my relationships. Finding balance, and compromising, accepting others and making a concerted effort to be a kinder human, can often be draining. There seems to be a lot of energy exasperated, with little return a lot of the time.
This is where someone would likely pipe in with "let that shit go, cut off anyone or anything that doesn't do you better". What a crock of shit. Life isn't about cutting ties with people based on your assumption that they're bringing you down. Life is about evolving, understanding, growing more patience, building, making sacrifices and learning about yourself by your relationships with others.
That's not to say that if there's some total dickhead lingering around that does nothing but hover overhead like a black cloud, to keep them on and persevere. Without being captain obvious, there's some relationships that are quite obviously doomed from the beginning. But I'm continuing to find, that even relationships that are bound by the stars, still require a huge amount of effort, time and energy.
Take my most precious relationship for example- Oli and I. After nearly a decade since our relationship first began, I'm finding that as we grow, and as we change, this relationship needs a lot of maintenance. I don't say that like its a horrible chore that weighs heavily on my shoulders (but let's be fair sometimes it's like climbing a mountain with 100kilos of frustration on your back), it's just something that I feel needs to be discussed more often. How can we improve our communication? How can we find the balance between work, our little dumplings, hobbies, sex, 'us' time and of course, time to ourselves. How can we keep the flame burning this year?
(Yee old flame burners a tough one post children I tell ya!). How can we improve as parents together, and seperately? I don't have the answer to any of the above incase you had thought I might bust out some stellar words of wisdom. I would like to know the answers too though if anyone is willing to offer?
Is adulthood really going to be this exhausting forever? Will I ever stop whining?
So many questions left unanswered today.
In the meantime, I think I'm going to take some time to think about myself more than others. Dig deep and see what's benefiting me and what's not at the moment. Maybe I'll find some answers buried in there? Who knows.
Have a very merry day friends,
Gemma
Thought of the day "I am so sick of seeing the word "salty" everywhere"
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