Whats one more?

This morning I felt the overwhelming urge to pour my heart out in a piece of writing. To tell it like it is. With a touch of sarcasm and dark humour of course..

Lately I’ve been dreaming of a third baby. 

My womb has been aching at the sight of protruding tums and tiny bald heads bobbing up and down over shoulders. Spew rag in tow. I’ve even gone so far as to write an extensive list of potential names. Yeah, I’m deep in the yearning phase. 

I’m not entirely sure what has triggered these highly emotional feels. Maybe its realizing that Oscar has not a trace of baby left anymore (despite my persistent cradling which is always met with his forceful escape), maybe its seeing and smelling our sweet new nephew, maybe it’s the moon, maybe it is all of the above. Maybe I’m mental. As Oli would say. 

We were done. Finished. On the path to freedom and family holidays for four (much more affordable/ logical than five). No people movers in sight. Bottles were discarded. Cot sheets, clothes, toys donated. GG maternity bras burnt (not really but they should be). 

And we are still done. I think… Olis still firm, and as we all know- it takes two to tango. His business is taking off rapidly already, I’m still thoroughly enjoying working four days a week and having two incomes. Our house is slowly being transformed, and we have a heck of a lot more in the pipelines for it within the next year. It feels like we’ve just come out the other side you know? Life is really working in our favour. Why throw a baby into the mix and backtrack? (Is what Oli and everyone else seems to want to tell me)

To which I say, babies are not backtracking. Sure they may be a lot of work for the first couple of years, that’s a given. But what about the next 60 years of enjoyment? Everyone is so quick to point out the short term ‘inconveniences’. Especially me. I’m all “urghhh sleep deprivation, weight gain, childbirth, 3 children, THREE to cart around”. How about the life time of love? Huh folks, how about that? Factually speaking though- Blake will be at school next year, followed closely by Oscar, they’ll have fled the nest, left me for dust. And I know, that will be the point where I think- shit, I wish I had a baby. A dependent little being to nurture and caress. 

The dilemma is, by then, the gap will be borderline too big. I’m not down with huge gaps. If we were to really take the plunge, I wouldn’t want to wait another couple of years until we’re really out of practice and the kids are giants and my body goes into full blown shock at the sight of a fertilized egg again, ya know? 

Or- this could all just be a big phase and I could snap out of it next month, wherein Oli and I laugh at that month of May where I nearly lost the plot and thought we should do it again. “Hahahahaha, can you imagine if you complied Oli? Hahahaah, goodness me I am full of shit ideas aren’t I?”.  And that would be that. 

 For once though, I am not going to jump on my idea and totally run with it. Force Oli to partake in the madness. This ones a big one, so we are going to sit on it until the end of the year, and re assess. Like the mature, life changing decision making adults that we are. 

I’ll leave you with this snap of delicious Uno month old Blake though- and maybe then you can see why I feel this spastic urge:

Gem