For the past few weeks I have progressively been feeling less & less human each day.. The only word I can think of to describe how I feel is overwhelmed. Totally and utterly overwhelmed. That, and stressed out, exhausted, grumpy, and often just plain bitchy. Each day has slowly been draining me of any positivity I had left in me. I know, that sounds rather dramatic. But I'm also feeling rather dramatic today on top of the above listed emotions.
I'm in some sort of slump, a serious slump that I haven't managed to get out of just yet.. I have had good days though, but the bad days just seem to keep on coming back, and I'm not getting used to them. I don't want to get used to them either. I have zero motivation to do anything, cook-clean-exercise- even just crack a smile some days. Today was one of those days.. I should be like a kid at Xmas packing up our bags & counting down the hours- but I'm just constantly thinking crappy negative thoughts. Whinge whinge whinge. Urgh, so over it.
Blakes been demanding my attention 24/7, night and day lately, no amount of toys or peppa pig will have her detach from my hip. She's been crying out at night, just for a cuddle- and if Oli goes she'll just cry until I come anyway.. I think the lack of energy + abundance of hormones is really taking its toll on my mentality. When I look in the mirror, I'm so incredibly brutal about myself it is horrible. I seem to only be looking at the flaws rather than the beauty of the pregnant body.. It is really unhealthy & just plain stupid. It's also not who I am, I would normally be the bright & cheerful dork smiling in a room of sad sacks on any given day, I miss that dork. She's cool.
When we made the decision to move to Perth, we knew we were making the decision to move away from all of our family support. Which is really tough sometimes, I often think "man it'd be amazing to just drop B off at mums for the afternoon". I've never had the chance to do that, not that I'm the only one in that boat. I have friends over here all in the same situation & I'm sure they all feel the same way some days. But lately, I could really have done with that extra support- and it makes me miss home.
So I've decided this break is about banishing this lingering black cloud. Clearing my mind, focusing on me, and spending some quality time with my hubby to be- who I am sure is just as sick of me & my poor attitude. Blake will be looked after by a nanny for 8 hours a day and as hard as that first day will be I'm sure, I also know it is exactly what I need.
Who knows, I could even get to sleep in?! I think I would go into shock if I woke up any later than 7am..
Meanwhile, it's 7pm & I'm crawling into bed in order to make this next day go that wee bit faster- and also because I can barely keep my eyes open..
Night all!
Thought of the day "come on tomorrow"
Gemma
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