2016

Why hello there friends, family and creeps, how the heck are ya? Merry Xmas, and happy new year and all of that jazz! 

Upon opening the curtains this morning and taking in the torrential rain pelting the  windows (the middle of summer in Mount Maunganui is horrifically schizophrenic) I decided right- that's it, time to dust off the old blog and get into again. 

Turns out a lot can happen in a short couple of months. Juggling a job, daycare runs, wifely duties & a social life have soaked up majority of my precious time; however on top of that, Santas been and gone, friends have flown in and out, Oscars sprouted his top canines (and I've spent a lot of time googling adoption agencies), and somehow- magically, it is a whole new year. Would you fancy that? 2016 ay. Ten years since we finished high school in fact. Shit that's a horrid thought, let's forget I ever said that.

New year! New goals, new me! Just kidding, I'll still be my same old sarcastic self, and I'll still have the same goals...

1) 'get rich whilst also taking at least two holidays a year and wearing fabulous clothes whilst doing so', & 2) 'keep the children alive'. Now that we're maintaining a mortgage, I'm sensing that I may only be able to uphold number two this year. Which is a damn shame as I really love the combo that is cocktails and sunshine.

Being homeowners is pretty bad ass so far though I must admit. Since the minute we moved in we've been flooded with exciting ideas and inspirations- planning out colours and themes and soundproof walls. We've also quickly learnt that nothing comes easily or quickly with renovations, it's one (excrutiatingly slow) thing at a time. Our first thing on the agenda was the fence. Which, when we moved in, was rotting and barely holding its own. So far, we have gotten the new posts in (when I say 'we' it was actually Oli and 6 friends which was rather efficient and brilliant), and if the sunshine decides to come out sometime this weekend we may even have a completed project!! Next week, we are tackling the carpet, which is a funny old tale in itself. You see, this is what our carpet looks like currently;

(Mind the delish sprogs). You're thinking what we are all thinking right? Gross. Dated. If I vomit here will you even see it? Etc etc. Oli and I knew we would be changing up this monstrosity at some point, but it was never going to be this soon. Until, someone bought it. Yup, you read that right. Someone bought the entire house lot of it, on trade me. For 2 and a half grand. Insert hyena laughter. 

So next week, a man in a big truck is coming to collect his 'goods', and we are laying brand new stuff throughout the digs. !!!!!!!!!!!!!. A few weeks after that's gone down, Oscar will begin toilet training- we've really thought this one through well. 

Let's have a wee update on the infants/ giants shall we?

Firstly, the favourite- Blake. 

Our deliciously pink, boisterous, and bubbly little gal has taken her new role as eldest cuzzy under her wing swimmingly so far this summer. Aside from Oscar, she has Sadie (20 months) and Amelia (5 months), to try to boss around for at least another 10 Christmases until they all get sick of her. 

The mini Tabaks - Sadie, Oscar, Amelia and Blake aka Pips.

Blake has loved having all of her family around this summer though- including her extended family who are family all the same (Andy, Sterl Jimmy Lis and Abbey), but most notably is definitely Aunty Dee (my sister Kate). Who has moved back permanently, woohoo! You're all thinking what I'm thinking right? Babysitter- jackpot! 

And here we have the (close) second favourite;

Oscar... oh Oscar. As much as he is hilarious, and crowd pleasing, and a total stud- he also still will not sleep through the night. And without those full nights sleep, I'm still day by day, drifting ever so slowly towards that asylum. Fuck, just lock me up and throw away the key if it means I get to sleep all day and night, I'm all for it. 

Besides the fact that he is infact torturing me on a daily basis, he is absolutely adorabloodyble. His vocab has gone from zero to 100 in just a couple of months and he is speaking like a school kid rather than a nearly two year old. You may think I'm just being one of those Mums who is totally bias but, in all seriousness, he is a child genius. And now that he is in daycare, after I eventually peel him off my hip and run out the door whilst he chases me bawling (yeah, it's fun), he seems to be at the peak of his social performance thus far. For example, if one of our (male) friends walks in they will say 'sup' with the old chin lift to match and Oscar will do it right back, resulting in cheering and laughter. Like I said, total crowd pleaser. I'll laugh harder when he sleeps through religiously though.

And lastly, my biggest infant;

Darling hubby. This was us celebrating his 28th birthday two weeks back. And here's me still telling tales of his 21st birthday as if it were last year. Crikey time, just chill the fuck out ay? OT is doing well though, possibly a bit green around the gills from a couple of weeks of some heavy, heavy intoxicating- aren't we all though?

I most definitely am. Green around the gills, and puffy around the tum, time to welcome back some routine and hopefully re join the gym. No idea when that will squeeze into the schedule but it's always nice to have options innit?

Before work commences on Monday, and reality hits me hard in the face, Aunty Dee aka número uno bebesitter is taking over tonight whilst we have a meal with some fabulous friends over some whisky sours. Yes please. 

Have a warm weekend won't you folks?

Gem 

Thought of the day "au revoir holidays, you've been magnificent" 

Relationship rollercoasters

You know what? Life is really fucking hard. 

Despite social media insisting it is nothing but a light stroll through a particularly pretty park on a warm summers day (mine included), it is actually really fucking hard. 

What I seem to be struggling with mostly, as a sprightly 26 year old, is my relationships. Finding balance, and compromising, accepting others and making a concerted effort to be a kinder human, can often be draining. There seems to be a lot of energy exasperated, with little return a lot of the time.

This is where someone would likely pipe in with "let that shit go, cut off anyone or anything that doesn't do you better". What a crock of shit. Life isn't about cutting ties with people based on your assumption that they're bringing you down. Life is about evolving, understanding, growing more patience, building, making sacrifices and learning about yourself by your relationships with others. 

That's not to say that if there's some total dickhead lingering around that does nothing but hover overhead like a black cloud, to keep them on and persevere. Without being captain obvious, there's some relationships that are quite obviously doomed from the beginning. But I'm continuing to find, that even relationships that are bound by the stars, still require a huge amount of effort, time and energy. 

Take my most precious relationship for example- Oli and I. After nearly a decade since our relationship first began, I'm finding that as we grow, and as we change, this relationship needs a lot of maintenance. I don't say that like its a horrible chore that weighs heavily on my shoulders (but let's be fair sometimes it's like climbing a mountain with 100kilos of frustration on your back), it's just something that I feel needs to be discussed more often. How can we improve our communication? How can we find the balance between work, our little dumplings, hobbies, sex, 'us' time and of course, time to ourselves. How can we keep the flame burning this year?

(Yee old flame burners a tough one post children I tell ya!). How can we improve as parents together, and seperately? I don't have the answer to any of the above incase you had thought I might bust out some stellar words of wisdom. I would like to know the answers too though if anyone is willing to offer?

Is adulthood really going to be this exhausting forever? Will I ever stop whining? 

So many questions left unanswered today. 

In the meantime, I think I'm going to take some time to think about myself more than others. Dig deep and see what's benefiting me and what's not at the moment. Maybe I'll find some answers buried in there? Who knows.

Have a very merry day friends,

Gemma 

Thought of the day "I am so sick of seeing the word "salty" everywhere"

Hello I'm Gemma, and I am a real life adult.

Oh well hello there!

How the heck are ya?

She's bucketing down out there today so for the last twenty mins or so I've been umming and ahhing between writing this blog, or doing an at home workout. So here I am, scoffing almonds, weighing up pros and cons in my big old mess of a head. "The kids are asleep now so it's my only opportunity to get sweaty" - lean green Gemma machine argues. "You haven't written anything of any substance  in weeks woman, get your thumb to that screen!" counter argues the devilish procrastinator Gemma. Just fucking stop standing in the kitchen and do something before the bloody kids wake up- that's all ten Gemma's coming together right there. 

So here I am. 

(I also just had lunch, so jump squats and push ups sound like a recipe for a good old vom right about now)

Looking back on my past blogs and how many I used to fire out there is slightly bewildering now. That shit was consistent. Alas, a lot has changed since then and yee old blogging has taken a major backseat on the bus of life. In the last few weeks, besides the actual move home (I still have nightmares about packing boxes opening up and swallowing me whole by the way), we've been preoccupied with finding our house, finding work, finding furniture, kindy drops off and pick ups, organising Olis new business, trying to squeeze in shitloads of mum activities (the mount is a hub for mothers by the way, this place freaking rules), oh and just trying to cook clean and exercise occasionally too (failing miserable at at least 2/3 of those per day at the mo). Despite everything happening all at once, it is all coming together really blimmin well...

Number one news item for the week; I am employed! I managed to land a part time gig at a uber cool place called "Woods Creative" downtown the Mount, and I am thrilled beyond belief to be fair. It is a branding/ marketing firm that has staff made up of writers, graphic designers, website developers etc. I mean, there's a table tennis table in the middle of their office and they shoot up the mount on their lunch breaks. COME ON. It is literally the purrrfect environment for me, which I think is so detrimental in any place of work. You gotta fit in, you know? My role will be general office work, but even just being amongst that kind of awesomeness on a small scale is going to leave me unnaturally happy. "Oh you want me to type that up? Absolutely!! Not a problemo!!" (Said with the cheesiest smile that borderlines creepy and leaves them telling all the other staff how weird the new girl is). But I don't care!! Because for a few hours each day I am no longer Muuuummmmmmyyyyy, I'm Gemma or Gem or G Dog or whatever those new best buds of mine want to call me in the office.

So that's a spot of excitement! And whilst all that has been happening, we are also working on starting Olis electrical company, which turns out- involves a lot of admin. A lot. However, it is also, a very exciting venture that we are both eager to get underway whilst the economy is running hot. Finding an available sparky here at the mo is like striking gold, so something tells me it is going to be a rather busy year ahead for the both of us! (This can also act as a plug, so if anyone knows of or needs any work done in the Bay, be sure to holla!)

In other news, I'm currently slurping back my first real LB in weeks;

It tastes like I've been pashing Liam  Hemsworth (that ones for you Abbey you creep) aka unnaturally delicious. I've been on the dirty old instant mocconas recently, and let me tell you, the moment we move into the new place, before we set up beds, plug in the fridge or anything else that is less important than caffeine, we will be busting out the coffee machine. 

Move in date is in 3 weeks time, and in those 3 weeks I'll no doubt collect at least 15 more unnecessary items for the place. Olis all like "stop buying shit Gemma" and I'm all like "Oli, how do you think we would have felt if we hadn't bought the old radio/ record table that looks incredibly bad ass" the answer is fucking terrible. That's how we would have felt. (He actually was all for the bad ass record player but not so much the new bedding for all 3 bedrooms- spoil sport).

But check this little beaut- it is so friggen sweet;

So if you need to find me, I'll be lurking about at every second hand store you can think of for at least another year. 

Oh and here is the mandatory snaps of the kids that simply cannot be missed purely because they are absolute gold;

Last weekend Blake went trick or treating as a vampire and we were in stitches at how well a 3 year old pulled this look off

Oscar rocking mums wig almost sent me over the edge also- Christian school teacher dressed as a toddler

One sunny Sunday 

Mr whippy always hits the spot 

Alrighty, well I think I've over verbalised enough for one day. To wrap it all up, today is one of those days where I feel like I just may have my shit together. Where I might even pass as a real life adult. Then again, tomorrow's a new day and if it's anything like yesterday, I may just make eggs for breakfast lunch & dinner and have Shrek on replay. At least motherhood is exciting right? You wake up and really never know what the day will bring. (Please bring well behaved children who eat all of their food and play nicely together and pick up their toys when they're done tomorrow)

Oh well would you look at that, 4:59pm, it's happy hour, catch ya later loves,

Gemma 

Thought of the day "is it really November? What the actual faaaark!"

Yoohoo

Why hello,

How are we all going? 

It feels like I should explain my absence as a kick starter- and then I feel as though I shouldn't need to explain anything as this is my space and I can come here to write whenever I like. And then I think that sounds self absorbed and defensive. Followed by more over-thinking, and so on and so on... 

You see...

When I first started writing my blog I was fearless with my words, and sadly, I feel like my courage may be somewhat clouded now. Certainly filtered at least. But by what? And why? (You may ask). I don't really know the answer to either to be honest. Possibly by the constant pressure of society, or the knowledge of just how many people I know who read this- or maybe it's just been a tiresome time and I'm not feeling so sprightly in general. It could be one, or all of the above, but the fact is, I just haven't felt inspired lately. 

Alas, here I am, (insert toe tap and corny smile), so maybe my mojo is making a comeback! 

The last couple of months have been incredibly hectic, and therefore incredibly tiring. I am so inexplicably tired. And yet, here I am at 10:45pm, on my blower, burning my irises for a change. (Who actually remembers life before smartphones? What the fuck did we do with all of that time?). 

This is good. Writing again, it feels good. I feel like maybe this is where I should begin to tell a few tales,

Then again, this could just be a warm up and the tales can come in due time.

In other words, I really should sleep. 

Oh, but I will fill you in on one rather significant life event so I don't leave you with nada;

We bought a house! She's a little beaut too. We move in at the end of Nov and I am bloody beside myself about painting and decorating and the endless goodies from Kmart I can buy to sex the place up. 

So if anyone has any hot diy'ing tips, feel free to shoot them my way,

Adios friends, sleep tight 

Gem

Thought of the day "after just google thesaurus'ing 'Alas', I am shocked to discover its definition is unfortunately!! And here I was, using it as a standard interjection on a daily basis. Whoopsie! So my above alas, is totally defunct- however, I can now use my fresh knowledge to drop that 'alas' down where it belongs from here on out" 

Smiles for Miles

Oh well hello there...

For those of you that are still reading, and have managed to persist through my constant moaning for the last 3 months- bravo and thank-you for sticking around. The good news is that I didn't slit my wrists after my last post- infact, I'm still alive and kicking and feeling (drumroll please...) fucking fantastic! Wanna know why? 

.....

Because my most favourite human being, my partner in crime, my extra set of hands, my sanity saving knight in shining armour, my love, big poppa (he loves it when I call him that) is home in 6 sleeps.

6.

SIX!!!!

He finally responded to my cries for help, "SOS OLI, S O FUCKING S!!!" & voila, two absurdly overpriced airfares later, and Oct 5th was locked and loaded for landing. 

As soon as my finger clicked the 'confirm payment' option, I felt immediately flooded with relief. We had a date. The end is nigh. I won't be committing murder suicide after all. My sick jokes will come to an end. (or will they). 

Despite feeling like I've aged 3 years in 3 months, I'm pretty bloody impressed that we lasted as long as we did. Two toddlers tugging at your leg all day (and night) demanding a lot and not giving much back in return, was seriously draining. And on Olis end, going from three excited faces to come home to every evening, to no excited faces (and having to cook his own meals and do his own washing I'm sure) was equally horrific. Alas that little shining light is getting brighter by the day now, and before we know it, I'll be at the airport (an hour early) grinning until my gums completely dry out, and sprinting maniacally towards Oli like I am an extra in the movie "love actually". 

I just want to touch him. And sniff him. Yes lots of sniffing. Just to make sure he is really there. I want to watch the kids reaction when he strolls through the door. And proceed to watch them play together whilst I carefully, and tactfully, back slowly away and into the bedroom, whereupon I collapse onto the bed and sleep for an entire day and night.

Yes, that plan sounds brilliant.

Speaking of sleep; it is 8:37, 7 minutes past my bedtime. Tragic you might say? More like crucial to quality of life. 

See ya later suckers,

Gem 

Thought of the day "it is really, really unfair that at the end of each day of slavery, I still have to do the goddamned dishes" 

Day 55

Lets dive straight into the nitty gritty this arv, and blurt all the shitty, negative feelings right out. Because once they're out, I can look back and realise we made it out alive from what was a giant black hole of a situation...

Anger, stress, despair, and frustration are my four main vices at the mo. I wake up in the morning and I'm all like oh hey Frustration, can't wait to spend another day with you. Watup Stress, felt like we even slept together last night. Anger- my main man, looking forward to those yelling matches again today! Despair usually pops in after hours when the kids are snoozing and I slump onto the couch, grateful that I made it, and fearful for another day to come. 

Today was no different. The rainbow of emotions shone high in the sky all day, and as Blake and Oscar yelled and screamed, snatched and pulled, nagged and cried, my voice continued to rise until my throat was hoarse and my heart heavy. Each night, I tell myself tomorrow I will be more patient with them. I will be a better mother. No doubt about it. And each day, I let them and myself down.

As I slump down defeated on the couch each evening, I start to think about single mothers, and I wonder how the fuck they do it? And how can I personally deliver them medals? And then I think about ways to combat my negative energy. And then I think I should probably sleep. And then I think about Oli thousands of kilometres away, and then Despair shows up again. 

You see, we always knew it wouldn't be easy to be apart. That was never debated. However I think we were completely naive as to just how hard it would actually be. I mean there's hard, and then there is hard. And then there is tear my eyeballs from my sockets before I wake up tomorrow hard. We are at the eyeballs point (incase that wasn't clear). 

I miss being a family. And I miss sleeping through the night. I miss feeling sane and I miss enjoying my time with our kids. And saying I miss Oli is barely scratching the surface as to how I really feel. Miss? Just miss? I would saw off my arm with a blunt knife to be couchside with him right now. 

(I wouldn't really but you get my drift) 

It all sounds so melodramatic when I write it out like I have today. Maybe it is melodramatic. But when I feel like I am suffocating, when I am sweating profusely, when I am shaking with anger, I know that these feelings are real. And that this is the hardest endeavour we will ever undertake. Funnily, I am finding it much easier to write about my feelings than I do to talk about them. Poor Oli is the only living soul to bear the brunt of my colourful and communicative mind. Maybe that's another contributing factor to my misery- no Oli to vent to nightly. (He is probably thinking thank faaaaark I get a break from that woman's relentless verbal diarrhoea). 

I dunno... maybe I just need to suck it up. Or maybe Oli needs to come home and make me giggle like a teenager again. Maybe money isn't as important as we initially thought. What if none of this is worth it? I feel as though I am living in one big grey area, brimming with doubts and what ifs, uncertainties and fears.

Well, I can tell you one thing for sure folks; I'm fucken over it all this week.

So here's to wine glasses as big as my head, and luxurious bathtubs, and a fresh book to live vicariously through. And here's to the bags under my eyes for reminding me I'm not just dreaming about being a walking zombie- I look like one too.

Adios!

Gem

Thought of the day; "breathe in, breathe out"

Week in Pics

She's been a while folks! Here's what's been happening as of late;

Bare bums and blackboard play dates with Willow & Aimee

Gal pal reunions 

I've only been searching for a packet of knuckle bones since 2010- cheers New World, it's time to relive 1999

Inception 

Moody, misty mountaineering 

Making a break for the park 

Spring has sprung 

Cuppa break 

The BEST breakfast I've ever devoured (massive call), at George cafe. Poachies with sunflower sprouts and pepitas, feta and avo chunks on ciabatta

Zee purrrfect afternoon 

Happy weekend'ing friends, put your feet up!

Gem 

Thought of the day "is it happy hour yet?"