I've recently been reeeeaaallly freaking out about going through this ordeal again. When I say ordeal, I mean trauma/ pain beyond belief.
To say it isn't for the faint hearted is an understatement. Obviously, I've done it before so I can do it again, and also it is my own choice to birth at home and therefore without any pain relief, so I've really only got myself to blame (and Oli a little...)
In the big scheme of things- my birth with Blake was relatively smooth sailing. She was in the perfect position, I was dealing with the contractions well, we were in the birth pool as planned etc etc... And then I transitioned. This is the part in which I am not too keen on experiencing again.
Birth has 3 phases;
- Active Labour
- Transition (pushing stage)
- Delivery of placenta
Points 1 & 3 I was totally cool with (to a certain extent).
Point 2 was a bit of a bitch.
It wasn't so much the pushing (I only ended up pushing for 25 mins and had no tears), it was just the excruciatingly slow opening of my pelvis where it felt like some bastard was snapping every bone in my body. Slowly.
Sorry to paint quite the gruesome picture (and extra apologies for anyone that's pregnant) but sugar coating it really isn't going to help anyone.
Luckily, (bright side moment) this phase is actually the shortest phase & as much as it sucks- it is over quite quickly. Ill give it that much.
I did voice these concerns to my midwife last week & she eased my mind a bit by telling me the second time is always much quicker & generally easier as the body doesn't go into total shock, it kind of just knows what's up this time.
"Oh yeah, old mother hubbards pushing out another one, no sweat- I got you" (is what I hope my body/brain say)
But Sara does have 20 years midwifery experience, she knows her shit- so I'll happily take her word for it.
I've also been reading Ina May's "A guide to childbirth"
Which is actually a fabulous read. Sure it's a bit hippy & psychedelic, for example one of her hot tips to speed up active labour is to passionately kiss your partner, apparently it just opens that cervix right up. I doubt I will be in the mood for a pash mid labour but I'm willing to give anything a go once.
Beyond that, there is some really inspiring birth stories throughout it that have been warming my soul on a nightly basis. Sure my fears are still alive and kicking, but I doubt they will be flaring by the time this guy wants to meet and greet us. At the end of the day, the birth is inevitable- no point worrying about it, just gotta get on with it & think about the golden pot at the end of the rainbow. Wine!!
That was a joke.
So that's what's been on my mind as of late. I had a bit of an off day yesterday, felt really nauseous and tired so we just chilled out at home. Unfortunately it was
another sugar free day, and Oli ate a chocolate drumstick ice cream in front of me for dessert too. I felt like pushing it into his face. But I'm sticking to my guns & battling through it even though my brain was screaming "ICECREAM" all day.
Today has been good, I managed to get to the gym, where I continue to get funny looks; (insert gym selfie, I probably should have taken one of me actually doing something besides hanging out in the locker room)
After that we went to spotlight (f'n love that place) to collect crafts for this bunting- which I am ridiculously excited to start right now! I'm the least craftiest woman in the world so we shall see how this goes... Ill be sure to post some pics of the finished product.
I also just had a mammoth lunch of cruskets with avocado, cucumber, spinach, tomato & ham, and some watermelon;
Shit it was good!
Later on I'm off to the outdoor movies to see "the book thief"- thank god today is eat all the sugar you like day, I'm fully stocked.
Hope everyone's having a lovely week!
Gemma
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